Summary
Manners truly can make the man – or woman.
This is a lesson I was reminded of recently when I sat back to enjoy the film, “The Kingsmen: The Secret Service” starring Colin Firth. While the movie is a very enjoyable action ride, it also tells a story about what it takes to be considered a gentleman. In the film, there is a very strict code of conduct that is necessary in order to become a member of an elite spy unit. No matter how strong one’s skills are at espionage, they are for moot without proper decorum and style.
The movies resonated with me because of how true this lesson is in every industry and field. You can be world class in your field in terms of your talents and abilities – but that skill ultimately means nothing if you make a poor first impression. Your handshake, your clothes, your posture – all of these seemingly trivial points can sink or elevate your career upon first impressions.
The movie shares a number of good lessons on what type of lessons we should all know in order to conduct ourselves as gentlemen – or ladies. Read on to learn more about what all of us should know about good manners and gracefulness.
Transcript
“Gentlemen have manners.”
These are wise words, which I was reminded of recently when watching “The Kingsman: The Secret Service”, starring Colin Firth, Samuel L. Jackson, and Michael Caine. I don’t have time to watch many movies or a lot of television, but some quality stories, beyond entertaining us and helping us to pass a pleasant evening, certainly do also serve to give us some perspective and insight into what it takes to succeed in the world. “The Kingsman” is one such example of these films.
The movie’s plot centers upon a street-smart but roughish street kid (Taron Egerton) who is recruited to join an ultra-elite and ultra-secretive British spy service. Firth’s character thinks that Egerton has what it takes to make it in the clandestine ranks – but he first needs some schooling in what it means to be a gentleman. Like many of us when we first join a new organization, be it a civic group or an employer, Egerton’s character needs an education on how to fit in with the cultural mores. No matter how good his skills and talent are, it won’t be enough if he also does not master the etiquette.
We can all learn from this lesson. Very few among us can hope to make it on our merit alone – we first must signal that we are a professional through other means, some of which we may not deem to be sufficiently important: clothes, manners, grooming. If you are the second incarnation of Steve Jobs, you may be able to get away with long stretches of time not bathing and indulging in your desire to blow up at subordinates over minor mistakes. But for the majority of us mere mortals, it is instrumental that we learn how to conduct ourselves as gentlemen – or as ladies – if we hope to make a positive impact on the world.
Everyone wants to come up with the next disruptive innovation. Save your real creativity for your business ventures – not for how you present yourself or your persona. Some things are traditional for a good reason. Keep these tips in mind for how to conduct oneself as a gentlemen. By mastering the rules of etiquette, you’ll be that much farther along at disrupting and rebelling where it really matters – in your ideas.
Invest In A Good Suit
The clothes truly do make the man. You may be relentlessly focused on the quality of your ideas and your performance, but it is far easier to be taken seriously if you arrive already decked out in the full package. A gentlemen is conversant in the basics of good style and practices them everywhere, dressed properly for the occasion. He strives to fit in with his surroundings, but to always stand out just a tad above what is the norm. It might seem like a considerable sum to get a properly tailored suit when you are starting out early in your career, but it sends an undeniable signal to those around you that you take your career and yourself seriously – and so should others. If you are a bit clueless when it comes to sartorial manners, don’t be too shy to enlist others to help provide you with some guidance on the right cut and the proper fit for your frame. Nothing gives away an amateur in over their head quite like ill-fitting clothes.
Have A Firm Handshake
A business associate can tell an awful lot about you by the way you first greet them with a vigorous handshake. Gentlemen are confident. It isn’t about being arrogant – it is a matter of respecting yourself and those around you. Your first impression is often the only opportunity you will have to stand out in someone’s mind. Make sure that you seize it by demonstrating that you are completely comfortable in your skin and confident that you have every right to occupy your space. If you are nervous in new settings, just remind yourself that you have just as much agency and just as much of a right to be considered as a professional as anyone else you encounter. Just make sure that they know the same by how you present yourself. You will find that the way you think of yourself is very quickly infectious – others will pick up on the vibe that you send and treat yourself in the same manner.
Be Modest
A gentlemen’s name should only appear in the newspaper three times, Firth’s character in the film says: to announce his birth, his wedding, and his death. While your career may take you to greater heights in which your profile is too high to avoid press altogether, the essential message is true for all of us. In the social media age of continual self-promotion, it can do you some good to work behind the scenes and help lift others’ spotlight. As gentlemen, we all need some alone time and privacy rather than continually asserting ourselves in others’ faces. We are also well advised to take come contemplative time to ourselves, away from sharing out every thought and experience over the internet. (I know that there is indeed some irony of advising this in a blog post! It is all about maintaining a healthy balance.)
Be Happy To Serve
It might mean an act as simple as opening a door, picking up a bar tab during a night out, or carrying out grunt work below your paygrade. A gentlemen’s mindset is not focused on being catered to but providing value to those around him. This means taking up the slack for others at work without complaint and doing good to others without the expectation of a reward in turn. The mere act of carrying out service to others is broadening and builds sturdy character. Rather than continually asking what others can do to help make your life easier, why not seek out opportunities to benefit others in your organization or community? It is a surefire path to identifying new opportunities that those who shirk hard work will never notice.
Never React To Rudeness
A gentleman doesn’t reduce himself to the level of his opponents by engaging with petty and boorish behavior. A gentlemen elevates himself by taking the high road when confronted with opposition and conflict. While he surely does not shy away from confrontation if challenged, he does not ever seek out fights or skirmishes. As the saying goes; “When you mud wrestle with a pig, you both get dirty, but the pig likes it.” Nobody ever left a lasting legacy by spending time arguing over politics in an internet thread or brooding over what detractors think of them. Use invectives and slights as a fuel to motivate you to achieve your goals, but do not dwell on them and continue to carry ugly words around with you. The best revenge is to live well and to continue to focus upon achieving your own happiness and set of goals.
How can you spot a gentlemen or lady in your life? What habits or mannerisms indicate manners and polish to you? What habits have you adopted that indicate that you are someone to be respected – and where have you cut corners? Is there more you could be doing to broadcast to your associates that you are a person of manners, integrity and dignity?
